Every now and again the human creature is faced with the type of conflict that one can only describe as, probably, esoteric or existential. It's not so much one of those day to day trials that we all face as much as it ends up being those fringe, out of the way conflicts whose outcomes eventually end up defining us at the end of the day. It's the character defining questions, the principal challenging questions, and usually the questions that are hardest to answer, that really show us what kind we goods are truly made of. Rarely are these kind of questions presented just once, rather, posed repeatedly over time until one finally complete's that particular puzzle. One of those question's that continues to find interesting ways of presenting itself has now made it's way into the subject line of a journal entry. Yet it, far too often, in far to many circumstances, finds itself an every pertainent ponderance.
To pose it simply, to each of you: What are you waiting for? As vague as it may seem, is a question that spans countless aspects of our lives, and one that we are all likey to face on a daily basis. In it, however, I have found, for myself, an interesting dichotimy. "What am I waiting for?" Off the cuff, it feels like the push to make haste. "What are you waitng for? You goal is at hand. You can achieve what you desire. There it is. Go get it, etc..." It's the "What are you waiting for " in the Hamlet sense. Act IV Scene IV, contains Hamlet's final soliloquy begining with the line "How all occasions do inform against me and spur my dull revenge." The passage represents Hamlet's confrontation with all the evidence he has been presented concerning the death of his father, followed later by the lines " I do not know why yet I live to say, "This thing’s to do. Sith I have cause, and will, and strength, and means to do ’t. Examples gross as earth exhort me." This particular passage has always held me in a particular way. In fact. as a theater student, it was my classical audition piece, partially becase Hamlet, as a character was brilliantly complex and lush. but it was the reality of that exposition that slew me. It was this singular man facing a slain father , a stolen kingdom, the disgrace of his mother, and the loss of his love, while facing an army of tens of thousands marching towards his home, his kingdom, knowing why it has all happened and what must be done to make it right and he
still has to ask himself a question that, even today, each and every one of us has to ask ourselves on some level. "What am I waiting for?" Be it love. life, career's, goals, heath, education, we all will see the goal, see the reason's why we should or should not, yet, often, we don't have an answer. Human nature, or human flaw, it's true for each and every one of us. It's the point where potential and reality collide , leaving that human creature to make, usually, a very difficult decision.
Another side of the coin presents the dichotimy. As much as that question can be compelling and motivating, another side of that phrase can be equally profound. When considering the varied things one may want out of life, sometimes the "go get it" attitude should be substituted for "slow down long enough to accept it" one. While I fully appreciate the motivated method, the latter has actually made more sense to me and been a very present and real thing in my life. Often, while struggling and fighting to obtain all the things one thinks they want in life, they overlook all the little things that make each day a joy and give you a little more reason each day to keep going. Are they just waiting to get everything in place before they can worry about those things? Knowing that we are promised this moment, and no more, that simply sounds follish, doesn't it? If you are waiting for tomorrow to revel in the the joys that life hands us everyday, it could be an empty envestment, and it eventually it will be, that day that your tomorrow suddenly doesn't arrive.
I guess that's the trick. Here I sit facing, the hardest incarnation of this question ever I've faced in this lifetime and both ways sound so perfect,, so right, yet at the same time so monumentally wrong, and the trouble is that indecisiveness, this time, is a loss. I've got to make a call and I'm not sure which side of my heart to follow, much less, how. I don't know if this one is supposed to be the completion of this puzzle, or just the next piece, but the one thing that has surely implanting itself into my spirit and my psyche is the importance of asking the question. What are you waiting for? In any and all aspects of your life, what are you waiting for? What does it mean to you? If it means stopping to smell the flowers, do it. If it means knuckling down to get the job done, do it. If it means getting real, in your job, your relationship, your education, DO IT. What ever it is your waiting for, make sure your doing everything to make it happen. Life is too full of promise and possibility to be on the wrong side of the waiting game, no matter which side it may be.
So, what
are you waiting for?
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hopeful
indescribable
sad
